FAMILIES COPING WITH
DEPLOYMENT
POC
Cristoval Perales/Ken
Thorn
Work
& Family Life
Specialists
Fleet
& Family Support
Center
Telephone
961-2372
Email
cristoval.perales@navy.mil
ken.thorn@navy.mil
Spouses
may experience a range of emotions prior to a deployment tht begin approximately
six to eight weeks before the militry member leaves.
Initially, both
parents spend this time gearing up for the departure. They feel a
mixture of excitement sand concern or worry. Both the military member
and his/her spouse are busy thinking about details tht need to be taken care of
before the military member leaves.
Approximately three to four weeks
prior to the departure, the spouse and militry member may begin to distance
themselves from each other in preparation for the extended
absence. Conflict may arise as a result.
Two to three days
before the deployment, the military member and spouse may be anxious for the day
to arrive so they can begin adjusting to the lengthly absence and change of
responsibilities.
Finally the day of departure
arrives. There may be a mixture of awkwardness and guilt for the
distance placed between the couple during the previous few weeks or
days.
During the day of and days following the deployment, the at-home
spouse may feel like he or she is operating on auto pilot. He or she
may feel overwhelmed by the new responsibilities, loneliness and anger at the
spouse or command for deploying his/her spouse. This may last a few
weeks until the spouse settles into a new pattern.
To avoid isolation
while your spouse is deployed, military spouses should get out and get
involved.
TAKING CARE OF
YOURSELF
Exercise. It helps keep one mentally, physically and
emotionally fit.
Eat well. Resist the temptation to eat high
caloric and fatty foods.
Take up a new hobby. Getting out and
talking to other people can help keep one's mind off of missing a deployed
family membe.
Accept limitations. Understand strengths and
weaknesses and knowing when to seek help from others can help one accept a new
host of tasks and responsibilities.
Go on an outing. Getting
out of the house can ease tension and get through down time.
Establish
quiet time. Take the opportunity to leisurely read or work on a
hobby.
Prioritize tasks. Don't try to accomplish everything at
once.
SINGLE PARENTS/DUAL CAREER MILITRY COUPLES
Single parents
and dual-career military couples may experience even greater anxiety and stress
over a deployment. Without a spouse to stay behind, they must make
sure their children will be cared for.
Single-parent, dual-military
parent, and single-and dual-military pregnant service members must create a
Family Care Plan to provide guidance to caregivers during a
deployment. Ideally, this should be finished long before orders are
received, but in the event it is not, it is essential to develop one before
separation occurs.
The plan should include information about a guardian
that has agreed to care for dependent children under the age of 18, and powers
of attorney for medical care, guardianship and the authorization to start or
stop financial support.
In addition, military identification cards should
be issued for children who reside with a single parent or dual-military
couple. A letter of instruction to the guardian or escort should
contain specific instructions needed for the guardian to ensure the care of the
dependents.
Other items that should be readily accessible to the guardian
include: birth certificates, Social Security cards, immunization
records, other medical or insurance cards, medication dosages for the child, if
necessary, and lists of family member's addresses and phone numbers in case of
emergency.
It is advisable for parents to make advance contact with their
financial institutions, children's doctors, schools and day care providers prior
to deployment.
CHILDREN AND DEPLOYMENTS
COMMUNICATE
WITH YOUR CHILDREN
It is better for a parent to be honest with their
child about a deployment and what is going to occur, how he or she feels about
it and how they can work as a family to cope with the other parent being
away. This will reduce the child's fears rather than increase
them.
SPEND TIME WITH YOUR CHILD
The deploying family member
should spend some one-on-one time with each child prior to
departing. Young children will readily accept the attention, while
older children may pretend to be old enough to handle the separation on their
own.
The deploying parent should explain to the child why he or she is
leaving and how important it is that they go for the sake of the
country. Children will have an easier time accepting the loss if they
feel that the parent is performing a critical role while he or she is
away.
To get a child to express his or her feelings openly, it is helpful
for the deploying parent to express his or her own worries. Express
honestly the hopes and fears felt as a parent leaving. The child is
likely to relate to the feelings and share theirs in return.
BRING YOUR
CHILDREN TO YOUR WORKPLACE
It can be hard for children to understand what
their parent is doing when he or she is called away. Bringing the
children to the workplace, either physically or through pictures or videos, can
help them relate to where the parent is when he or she doesn't come
home.
INVOLVE THE CHILDREN IN THE DEPARTURE
Involving children in
the departure will help them feel useful in the process. Parents
should also allow their children to have a say in what additional chores they
will accept while the deployed parent is away.
In addition, the children
should be present when the parent deploys. It will help them
emotionally prepare for the separation.
Instead of returning
home immediately, the at-home parent should take the children on a special
outing. This will help divert the children's attention from the loss
of the day.
KEEP YOUR CHILDREN INVOLVED DURING THE DEPLOYMENT
As
the parent staying behind, avoid bottling up feelings of fear, loneliness,
sadness and anger. Children will naturally pick up on the emotions as
they look to their parent as a model. It is better to establish an
environment where children are encouraged to speak openly about their
feelings.
The family should have some way to measure how much time has
elapsed and how long it will be until the deployed member
returns. Some families mark off each day on a calendar.
The
family should establish a set time each week to discuss what they would like to
say or write next to the deployed parent.
Get the children involved in
keeping in contact with the deployed service member. They can draw
pictures or write leters of their own.
In turn, it is equally important
for the deployed member to remain in touch with his or her
children. Postcards, pictures with captions, and local newspapers or
publications will help the children feel connected to where the parent is and
what living conditions are like there. If feasible, send a personal
item or letter for each child when mailing anything home.
The deployed
parent should schedule times to recognize important days to the children
including birthdays, holidays and special events, like recitals or
plays. If necessary, keep a claendar handy of these
days. The at-home spouse should also remind the deployed parent well
in advance of these upcoming days/events.
The more the family
discusses and gets involved in the deployment, the easier it will be for all
family members to accept the change.