By Kirsten Cukor for LIFELines
You've said, "I do" and committed to spend the rest of your life with your military service member. Often that means facing life apart because of a deployment. One deployment is an accomplishment, but in the world we live in, military spouses often face back-to-back deployments, requiring an even greater measure of grace and guts than a single deployment.
You can find many suggestions for a typical homecoming, but when you're facing the prospect of another goodbye, it can complicate the re-adjustment phase.
Communicate
Step one will be to discuss with your spouse how much re-adjusting you want to do. If the upcoming deployment entails intense training or work-ups beforehand, it can be helpful to keep the division of household labor the same as it was during the previous deployment.
Discuss any problems that arose during the first deployment. If you are pressed for time, prioritize your concerns and deal with the most important issues first, such as money management, trust and respect within your marriage, and handling long-distance frustrations alone. Dealing with a leaky faucet can safely be delayed. Try to discuss these sensitive issues in a patient, positive, mutually reinforcing way. Remember the goal is a successful partnership.
A Second Chance
One nice thing about a second deployment is that anything you didn't do "right" the first time, you now have a chance to do over. Maybe you didn't quite accrue the savings you thought you would, or maybe you were too new or intimidated to participate with a spouse network or family readiness group. Use your past experience, and see if you can do better this time.
Reconnect
You might prefer to use your time to nurture the positive aspects of your relationship. Remember why you got together in the first place. Do the things you missed doing together. Sometimes knowing your spouse will be gone shortly makes it easier to savor his or her presence and to overlook smaller issues, like who has possession of the remote.
One way to reconnect is to take advantage of the marriage enrichment opportunities offered at your duty station. Contact the unit chaplain or family service center for details.
Coping With the Unexpected
You won't always know in advance that your spouse will be deploying. This can be jarring, but do your best to remain supportive and positive. Remember to be proud of the important job your service member performs. And remember all the support available to you.
Even a single deployment may leave you facing the experience of having a baby without your spouse. Be sure you ask for help from family and friends, and find out what support is available through your local military hospital.
Beware Exhaustion and Burnout
The added stress of a second deployment can test your endurance. If you're tired, that's normal. Take care of yourself, take a break, and treat yourself to some pampering. If you have children, take advantage of base childcare or family and friends to get a much-needed break.
This second deployment will probably require greater reserves of patience and understanding all around. But with your experience, you'll be able to muster those reserves when necessary. When all is said and done, pat yourself on the back. You've survived, thrived, and now belong to a proud family of independent deployment-savvy spouses.